


when i woke up, the sky had fallen down

by Skyson



Series: The Head and the Heart [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 3x10, Coulson POV, F/M, Flashbacks, Revelations, breakdowns, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5379437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyson/pseuds/Skyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by The Head and the Heart song "My Friends", and the promo photo for 3x10 of Mack, May, and Daisy standing by the portal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i woke up, the sky had fallen down

The first thing that came back was his sight. When he opened his eyes, he didn't do anything other than stare up at the ceiling in confusion for a few seconds. He recognized that ceiling. He was in a medical pod in the new Bus.

But how? Was this a vision spurred on by "the Evil"? Was he actually still unconscious and just dreaming? He turned his head to look around him, but a flare of pain shot across his spine and blinded him for a moment. He wanted to cry out, but he could hear nothing. Then, he could no longer see anything.

 

**< ><><> **

 

_Beep_

_Beep_

_Beep_

"I think.... Consciousness.... lson? Coul.... hear me?"

_Jemma._

He felt relieved and terrified all at once. Had she come through the portal as well? Were they being held captive by Hydra? Where was Fitz? Where was  _Ward_ ?

"....agitated. More morphine.... spinal cord...."

He wished he could shake his head to clear it a bit, but he felt too sluggish, too exhausted. He just needed to sleep for a little bit longer....

 

**< ><><> **

When he next woke, everything seemed clearer and sharper. He had no idea how long he'd been lying here, if any of his disjointed memories were actually real or just creations of his mind.

"Jemma?" His voice was only a whisper, his throat sore and hoarse. He licked dry lips with a dry tongue, and frowned in discomfort. Fiddling blindly with his right hand, not wanting to move his head too much and risk another flare of pain, he finally found the remote for his bed and lifted the head up enough so he could see better.

It was dark, emergency lights on only, which told him it was sometime in the night. He was still in the medpod on the Bus, and he seemed to be alone at the moment. With very slow and careful movements, he turned his head to look around the room. His head didn't seem to be hurting any longer, and he was relieved to find a cup of ice chips within reaching distance. They were hardly melted at all; someone had been here recently.

Gingerly sucking on a piece of ice, he hoped that the Bus was still under SHIELD control and hadn't been overrun by Hydra. He wished someone were here to tell him what had happened. After eating a few more pieces of ice, he set the cup back down and rested his head onto his pillow, trying to recall anything after launching himself through the portal.  
  


_I made it to the other world, I remembered the strange darkness. It wasn't pitch black, though, it was more like moonlight. Wide expanses of moonlight, flooding the area just as sunlight would during the day, except more blue, colder._

_Dust, sand, dirt, rocks. A rock._

Right, he'd not been able to get is footing, going through the portal too fast and tumbling down a large hill, his progress halted by a rock against the side of his head.

He carefully lifted his hand up to feel the area, and, yep, there were bandages. They felt fresh, recently changed. Or he'd been here long enough that the wound was no longer oozing.

_I wasn't out for long, but there was no one in sight. I thought I could hear voices, tinged with alarm and panic. Some of the Hydra men were freaking out._

_A gunshot. I got to my feet quicker than I should have, swayed a bit to the side, woozy. Tore a sleeve from my shirt to wrap around my head as a makeshift bandage, trudged after the sound. It bounced off of the rocky terrain, distorting its origin. Just when I thought maybe I was heading in the wrong direction, I came upon it... A body. Ice flooded my veins as I rolled it over to get a look at its face._

_Relief. It wasn't Fitz or Simmons. From the look of terror and panic on his face, I figured it was one of the Hydra guys who had lost it. Rage fueled my veins once again - this young man didn't look much older than Daisy. He could have had a chance, he could have been saved from Hydra... I closed his eyes and got to my feet, spying boot prints in the dirt. I followed them, noticing that they were all relatively large. So most likely, it was Fitz here, and not Simmons._

_A part of me felt relief that she didn't have to return to this place, this pace that had clearly haunted her thoughts. Another part of me felt only more determined to save Fitz, to not lose another one of my agents...._

_But they aren't my agents anymore, are they? They're Mack's, now. He's far more responsible than I am._  
  


Coulson blinked his eyes open, forcefully attempting to keep the angry tears from falling down his cheeks. God, he'd lost his mind. And now he couldn't remember what had happened because of it.

"Agent Coulson?" Mack's soft voice floated through the room, and Coulson opened his eyes. The concern on Mack's face flooded him with regret, and guilt. Mack stepped into the room and stood near the side of his bed, closer to his feet than his head. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

_What a loaded question. The answer would be even more loaded._

"How long?" Coulson managed, his voice still all wrong and a few octaves deeper than usual.

"Two weeks. You've been in and out for the past week... Do you remember?" Mack told him. Coulson pursed his lips.

"Partially."

Mack was silent for a beat, looking hesitant.

"What is it?" Coulson asked.

"How much do you remember?" Mack returned instead, and Coulson felt the heavy weight on his chest only get heavier. When he didn't answer immediately, Mack shifted as if he were about to leave. "You should try to remember as much as you can, on your own. Simmons has been worried about that head injury, though according to her it's been healing quicker than normal."

"Fitz?" Coulson asked desperately, wanting to know _something_ before the man left.

"Fitz is fine," Mack assured him, his tone still soft and careful. It made Coulson nervous, the way he seemed to be tiptoeing.

_Does he know something he's not telling? Something he thinks would set me off again?_

"Mack,"

"I'll let Simmons know you're awake." Mack told him, and then left the room. Coulson sat in silence for a minute, trying to organize his jumbled thoughts.  
  


_Voices again, angry, arguing. Someone - it sounded like Fitz - yelling about a coming storm._

_"It comes with the storm, you idiot!" Ward. "Taking cover is exactly what we shouldn't do!"_

_'Blinded by rage' was a term I had heard many times, something I thought I'd experienced once or twice (punching Ian Quinn across the face was one of those times, though short-lived). This, however, this feeling is all new to me. This was a feeling that I knew, one hundred percent, that if I was anything like Bruce Banner I would be completely uncontrollable right now._

_I stood from behind the rock I was hiding, about to confront the group, when a firm hand grasped my shoulder and forced me back down to the ground. I turned quickly in surprise, ready to defend myself if necessary, and froze in shock. The face glaring back at me, absolutely furious, was one I had never thought I would see here in this place._

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She snarled, and I've seen her angry before but this was beyond anything... "The last thing we need is you getting yourself killed by being stupid!"_

_"What are you doing here?" I hissed, terror filling me at the implications. This posed a whole new set of problems, and concerns. I didn't want to have to worry about her being here._

_"Being your backup, since you didn't let Hunter or Bobbi do the job." Her narrowed eyes at me should have made me step down, but I didn't._

_"For a reason," I pointed out. "The less people in danger, the easier this will be."_

_" What will be, Phil? Revenge?"_

_"Don't you want him out of your life? I thought you would understand,"_

_"Not if it turns you into this person. Not you." Her eyes were impossibly full, they hurt to look at, I couldn't look at her anymore. "There's another way." Her words pulled me back. "We could leave him here."_

  
Coulson opened his eyes wide, frantic, knowing he was still alone in the medpod but needing to see that she was okay, that she had come back with him. She'd come back with him, hadn't she?  
  


_Get Fitz. Avoid Hydra bullets. Get back through the portal without Ward in tow. The basics of it sounded so easy._

_It wasn't easy._  
  


He whimpered in pain, but he wasn't sure whether it was more emotional or more physical. His memories at this point on we're fragmented, disjointed, a jumbled mess. _Why_? Was it his own mind protecting him, or was it something _other_? Why did it feel like _both_ of those things?

 

_Beep-beep Beep-beep Beep-beep_

Simmons burst into the room, quickly followed by Lincoln. He was wearing a lab coat and she looked like she'd just woken from a restless sleep.

"Is he afibbing?" Lincoln sounded surprised, Simmons terse,

"Get me the defibrillator," She approached the head of the bed. "Coulson, can you hear me? You need to keep listening to the sound of my voice, Coulson." Simmons spoke firmly and urgently as she lowered his bed so that he was lying more flat.

"I'm here," Lincoln said instead, standing opposite of Simmons at the other side of the bed. She looked up at him in alarm.

"Are you sure you can -"

"Step back!" He ordered, interrupting her question and pulling sheet down off of Coulson's chest. He carefully placed his hands diagonally on either side of Coulson's heart, breathing deeply. He held the breath for a half a second, then released it along with a small shock through his fingertips. Coulson's torso jumped from the shock, and Lincoln pulled his hands away quickly.

Coulson gasped loudly, his eyes opening wide, and the EKG machine showed his heart rate return to normal. Lincoln and Simmons shared a weary glance as they relaxed, though only minutely.

"I believe he just had a rather serious panic attack." Simmons mused carefully, her fingers on Coulson's wrist so she could time his pulse herself.

"That happened because of a panic attack? I thought his heart was healthy?" Lincoln wondered, and Simmons shook her head.

"His heart _is_ healthy...physically." She trailed off and looked down at Coulson sadly, and Lincoln frowned.

"People don't _actually_ die of a broken heart," He protested, sounding miffed about something.

"It's not unheard of," Simmons replied softly, reaching for Coulson's hand. He had closed his eyes again as he worked on steadying his breathing. "That's it, Coulson. Long, slow breaths."

"He doesn't _get_ that right!" Lincoln snapped angrily, stepping away from the bed. "It's _his_ fault she's -" He clipped off his own sentence, shook his head, and stormed out of the room. A second later a metal crashing sound could be heard as he threw something. Simmons sighed heavily.

"I need to go make sure he didn't destroy anything important. Get some rest, sir. There's nothing to panic about. You're safe now." She spoke as someone who understood what he was going through, but he wasn't even sure _he_ understood.

"Jemma," He whispered, wincing a little as he used the remote to lift his bed up again. He rubbed lightly at his chest. " _Where_." He begged her, seeing her bite her lip as tears formed in her eyes.

"Next door." She whispered almost as quietly, squeezing his hand. He pinched his eyes closed for a second, and then used his elbow to force himself up into a sitting position. " _No_ , Coulson, we literally just sent an electrical current into your heart - "

" _Yes_." Coulson demanded, shifting his feet over the side of the bed. He groaned, wincing, and Simmons scrambled to put her hands on his shoulders, halting him.

"You had a _spinal injury_." She informed him, and he hesitated in surprise. "You shouldn't be moving _at all_ and honestly sir I'm not even sure how you're still breathing," She revealed quickly, and he blinked at her. He was shocked by this information, sure, but he was far more concerned about other things. "Don't even get me started on the _brain trauma_ that has miraculously simply _disappeared_ from scans,"

He put his hands over hers and pushed them slowly but firmly from his shoulders, looking at her with determination. She sighed and shook her head, stepping back.

"You aren't walking. Let me get you a wheelchair."

She helped him into the wheelchair, and guided him round to the medpod next to his, but she stood outside the door.

"I'll give you some time." She told him softly, squeezing his shoulder for a moment before shutting him inside the room.

He wheeled himself up to the bed, anxious, the pressing weight on his chest feeling heavier and heavier until it felt as if his whole body would never lift from the chair again.

His hand was shaking as he slipped it under hers, locking the chair so he could lean forward and rest his arms on the bed. He'd seen her this still only once before, and now the terror he was feeling was tenfold that of before.

The only sounds in the room were that of the machine that was keeping her alive, and his quiet weeping.

 

**< ><><> **

_"How did you even get here?"  I was curious, worried; how the hell were we going to get out if she was in here?_

_"Mack, May, Hunter, and Bobbi took control of the castle," She explained tersely, watching for any oncoming danger._

_"The entire castle?" I exclaimed quietly, and she gave me a look._

_"We can get a lot of shit done when we work as a team, Coulson." She reminded me, her tone biting._

_I rotated my jaw, but said nothing. I knew she was right, and I knew what she was implying. I had been the one to teach her about teamwork, but that was a lifetime ago...._

  
"What happened?" Coulson pleaded, half to Daisy's still form, half to himself. "What happened?"

"According to Fitz, you ran out of time." Mack's voice behind him made him jump, and he hurriedly swiped at his eyes. "You needed the portal to open immediately, but things weren't aligned yet." Mack approached the foot of the bed, catching Coulson's tear-stained face and respectfully looking away.

"The planet..." Coulson remembered, "It had two moons. Three moons?" He couldn't quite remember details. "The opening of the portal has to do with the movement of the planet..."

"So she literally moved heaven and earth." Mack commented, and Coulson looked up at him. "Fitz told us in the debriefing that she moved the planet. She used her powers to shift things where they needed to be." Coulson turned his gaze toward Daisy, astounded. Why didn't he remember this?

"I didn't know she was that strong," He whispered, reaching up to brush a strand of hair away from her eye.

"She almost wasn't." Mack said pointedly, a trace of anger in his voice. Coulson swallowed thickly. "Fitz came through first, yelling about how we needed to keep the portal open for you and Daisy. You were unconscious, and she was.... We destroyed the stones, by the way. That thing won't open again."

"And the Evil?" Coulson whispered, suddenly feeling cold. Why was he so terrified of something he never ended up encountering?

"The evil what?" Mack repeated, furrowing his brow.

"Did anything else come through?"

"No. Only you three." Mack confirmed, and Coulson relaxed a little. "Fitz informed me about... Your injuries. What had gone down with Ward." Coulson tensed again, gripping Daisy's hand a little more tightly. "Do you remember?"

"Just tell me, Mack." Coulson ordered, tired. Mack hesitated, but eventually spoke,

"Before you guys had to come back, Daisy somehow lost control of her powers. Fitz wouldn't say how or why, just that it was... Terrifying." Coulson frowned as he tried to remember while Mack explained. "You tackled her to the ground, and she...her powers..." Mack trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.  
  


_The Evil. It had come. As the Hydra agents all scrambled to get into place to contain it, Ward stood proudly front and center, facing it on._

_"We can't let them take it back," Daisy pressed urgently, her mouth against my ear to be heard over the gust of wind. I squinted through the dust, barely able to make out the different shapes around them._

_"This is our chance. Use the dust to our advantage." I told her, spying Fitz. The man who had been guarding him had stepped away just far enough that it might be possible to sneak by in the low visibility. "You get Fitz, I'll take care of Ward."_

_"No, Coulson." She argued, her hand on my arm stopping me. "Don't kill him."_

_"How can you care about him still?" I exclaim, knowing I can't be heard by the Hydra agents through the rushing wind around us. "After everything he's done?!"_

_"It's not him I care about!" She yelled back, looking as if she were right on the edge of punching me. Again, I should have been scared of her - under normal circumstances I probably would have been. But I wasn't._

_Instead, something broke inside of me. Something I had long ago hidden away, something I forced myself to forget._

_I grabbed her face in my hands and I kissed her, teeth drawing blood and lips bruising. I felt her grab the edges of my flak vest just as fiercely, giving it all back to me just as roughly. My move seemed to have surprised me more than it did her - she was ready for it, ready to return it. That thought made me moan a little desperately, but then we wrenched apart as quickly as we'd connected._

_Screaming, bloodcurdling screaming, coming from where Fitz's guard had disappeared. Daisy and I shared a worried look, and I nodded at her, giving her the go ahead. She took off toward Fitz and I toward Ward. I wouldn't kill the man, no. But I would make sure he wouldn't be able to follow us home._

_A right hook to his jaw took him to the ground, and as he drew his gun I kicked it out of his hand. He spit blood out of his mouth, found my face in the swirling dust, and grinned up at me._

_"Just in time for a homecoming, Coulson," Ward said, then kicked his leg out and managed to connect with mine, bringing me to my knee. We grappled, and in that short moment something happened... Something I couldn't immediately comprehend._

_Daisy yelled at Fitz to run toward the spot they'd landed, run as fast as he could and don't look back, run now._

_I got the upper hand over Ward and managed a sleeper hold, holding him immobile while I tried to find her._

_There was a shadow nearing her, a shape I didn't recognize. She faced it, her posture strange, almost relaxed. Then the ground started shaking, violently._

_"You can't kill it," Ward grunted, "Hundreds, thousands, of people have tried. Sending it here was the only solution they could come up with. Why do you think Malick wants it?"_

_All I wanted was for him to shut up, so I tightened my hold. The shaking increased, and the form kept getting closer to her. What was she doing? She wasn't focusing her powers toward it, she was focusing them outward, all around, on the planet itself..._

_"She's losing control." I accidentally whispered out loud, surprised and frightened for her. My grip slackened slightly, but it was enough for Ward to flip us over, getting his hands around my throat._

_"I’ve been told it preys on the fears of others." Ward mused breathlessly as he attempted to choke me out. I punched at his arms, his chest, his throat, but I couldn't get the right angle for a good hit. "Tell me, Coulson, how much does she fear losing control?"_

_I swallowed back my nervousness and fought harder, but I was already far more out of breath than he was. My vision started clouding around the edges, and he knew it, and he smiled, but before he could say something else the ground shifted hard underneath us. Ward lost his balance and fell to the side, where I immediately lashed out with my left hand and smashed my prosthetic against his face as hard as I could._

_It probably wasn't that hard, considering, but it was enough to knock him out. I scrambled to my feet, fighting to keep balance on the shifting earth beneath me, and I slowly made my way closer to Daisy. I don't know where all the other Hydra agents went, but I don't really care at the moment. I can see the tears pouring down her face, the pain she's in as she tries to hold back._

_She's staring at the form, as if she's in some sort of trance, and I shake her shoulders. Nothing. I push her, hard, but she doesn't budge. She pushes me back with a burst of energy, but I quickly get back to my feet, grit my teeth, and think of my days as a linebacker as I focus all of my weight through my shoulder and into her torso._

_The strangest sensation washes over me the instant I touch her, and we fall to the ground in a heap of limbs. It is as if I can feel every bone, every organ, separately. Yet I am also weightless; nothing can touch me and I can touch nothing. The urge to throw up is overwhelming but I can't, I can't do anything._

_Daisy pushes me off of her, crying, shaking (everything is shaking), taking me by the hands and dragging me as she stumbled backwards, toward Fitz, away from the Evil form. She kept apologizing, over and over and over through gasps and tears but I don't know why._

_I felt nothing._

_I felt everything._

"Why is she in a coma?" Coulson asked, his voice devoid of emotion. There were too many things going on inside of him right now for him to act on any one.

"Even once she got back, she couldn't regain control. She pumped herself full of dendrotoxin. She's been like this ever since." Mack informed him, emotional.

"Jesus." Coulson whispered, rotating his jaw. He held her hand gingerly between both of his, turning it to check for bruising.

"Her body has healed well," Mack added, noticing Coulson's actions. "Simmons says that's a good sign. It's just... with comas, you never really know..."

"Jesus." Coulson says the name this time more like a prayer, holds her hand against his cheek, and Mack ducks his head and steps out of the room. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

So many deaths, all his own fault, and the prospect of her being on that list is by far the worst one.

**Author's Note:**

> Second part to be updated within the next twenty-four hours.


End file.
